Hold My Hand

I don’t know why, but I cannot stop thinking about her.  I mean, I know she has probably forgotten about me and dated guys but I just can’t get her off of my mind. Do I love her? No, but she is the first girl I have had serious feelings for her. That’s probably why when Stradlater came home that night after his date with her, I had mixed feelings of jealousy, annoyance, and curiosity. I couldn’t help myself after he made that crude comment about him and her in his truck…it really got to me. I wish I could see her and talk to her like we used to do when I lived right next door to her. How I’d love to be holding her hand right about now too, while playing a game of checkers and watching her keep all of her kings in the back row. I can’t quite figure out why I am so depressed more than ever all of a sudden,  one would think that after getting all of this freedom from escaping school, I would be living the life and seeing girls, but  it is just the opposite. Maybe I secretly am missing Jane more than I think I do, maybe I am trying to run away from my problems and avoiding the situation with Stradlater because I am sure he would take her out again, and of course rub it in my face one way or another. Whatever, I’m just trying to be happy and wishing I could be with here again, holding her hand because when I was holding her little hand, all you knew was, you were happy. You really were. 

Picture from: http://franklove.net/

Hold My Hand (click on this)

  

Should I Be More Mature?

Okay, I have a question. What is the average maturity level for a boy my age? I’m pretty mature, right? I mean…I know I can not exactly keep my mouth shut all the time, or resist from antagonizing friends, or lying about myself, or cursing but isn’t that normal? I simply am just trying to have fun and make the best out of the situations I get myself into. For instance, that whole incident on the train with Ernest Morrow’s mother, did anybody really expect me to tell the mother of a jerk face moron at my “school” of how he really is? No way man, I took the opportunity to put a spin on the truth to make it more interesting. Plus the fact that I told her my name was Rudolph Schmidt, the school janitor that way when she passes that valuable information onto her precious son, he will be quite a confused kid. Now don’t get me wrong here, I was just trying to have a little fun, nothing to hurt the kid of course. Anyways, if you’re wondering if I really felt it was necessary to yell, “Sleep tight, ya morons!” in the middle of the night, the answer is yes of course; it was my final way of saying goodbye to everyone. And one last thing, the whole “lying” business with that chick Faith Cavendish was just a way for me to have a little fun with a girl, I was in desperate need. I just hope she doesn’t go back and say something to that kid she used to see…oh well, what do I care anyways, right? 

I Remember the Mitt

Picture from:
http://www.easyvectors.com/browse/other/baseball-glove-clip-art 

Some people don’t like things that remind them of the death of close friend or family member, however, I feel differently. Allie’s left handed baseball mitt reminds me so much of him and the kind of person he was. He was very intelligent yet athletic at the same time; some people think that those two combinations aren’t possible (kind of like my “pal” Stradlater). Allie wrote poems in green ink all over that mitt and it was one of those special things that you remember about a person and how they acted.  Allie was also a genuinely nice boy all the time and I wondered how a person could have such a trait – one that I envied though. I miss him terribly, I remember a few summers ago seeing Allie watching me from outside the fence as I played golf and you never missed him with that red hair of course. His hair wasn’t like the usual red hair, it didn’t give Allie all of the traits that you would think red hair would give someone; he was different.  Getting back to the mitt, when Stradlater told me to write about something disruptive, Allie and his mitt automatically popped into my head and I felt that I could write effectively on that topic because I feel proud of him. I remember the mitt. Please reference the link above in the video bar, and watch the video called "How its Made" and see how a baseball glove is made, hopefully you can connect like I can.