Growing Up - Changes

 While walking around downtown New York today while trying to find Phoebe, I came to a conclusion. Growing up and being in environments that I don’t necessarily want to be in, is hard. Pencey was nice and all, but it wasn’t a school where I wanted to be or felt I belonged in. I have realized I miss the days where Phoebe and I would go to that museum and look at all of the frozen exhibits together, those were times where I could be myself and not worries, I was just being a kid. When I went to the museum today, I realized that the museum itself didn’t change, I had. Another thing, I remember always playing around with a skateboard and enjoying that little bit of freedom I had, and helping that girl with the skateboard brought back memories and I realized I would never forget how to tighten the wheels. Everything seemed simpler during the years of childhood, not a worry, not a responsibility. Now I deal with stuck up people, being depressed, and insecurities. If I had been a kid and I went down to that playground before with those kids on the seesaw, they would have accepted me to play and watch them, but seeing as now I am grown up and not one of them, I’m not accepted to play. Where do I fit it? Why didn’t Phoebe show up for me? Can I go back to those days when I would play checkers with Jane and not have a worry in the world? Growing up is tough, and I am not sure that I like it very much right now; I just want things to get better and to be happy.   

(picture from http://ambertriniere.wordpress.com/2011/05/21/growing-up/ )